Pointless Audition - Superstardom beckons (or maybe not)

Sitting in a sparsely furnished room in a budget hotel in the middle of Sheffield alongside other pairs of prospective contestants, I began to wonder if this was such a good idea and tried to remember whether it had been mine or L’s idea to apply to be on Pointless, the BBC2 quiz show hosted by Alexander Armstrong.


We’d sent off the application a few weeks previously, having developed an unhealthy obsession with the first series of Pointless. We both loved the format (trying to find obscure answers – kind of like Family Fortunes in reverse) and berating the contestants for not finding the obscure answers that we came up with. So, despite the fact that neither of us had any history of applying to be on any programmes before, we decided to send off an application form and then promptly forgot about it.

A couple of weeks later, we’d both received separate phone calls from a researcher at Endemol, the company that produces Pointless. We were asked about our backgrounds, how we knew each other, why we’d applied etc, and then given a quick general knowledge quiz consisting of ten questions. We both got nine right – my mistake was not knowing the name of the mantle layer of the earth, whereas L’s was guessing Chelsea had won the Premiership last year instead of Manchester United. Presumably we did enough, and got another phone call later that evening inviting us for an audition. And that’s how we found ourselves sitting in the hotel meeting room in Sheffield.

We felt a little out of our depth on meeting our fellow applicants although they were all very friendly. It did seem we had entered a world of game show groupies; there was a pair of friends from Hull who had recently appeared on Eggheads, and a retired married couple whose previous appearances on quiz shows was extensive to say the least – Mastermind, Think Tank, Fifteen to One, 100 to 1, the list went on. As quiz show virgins this was a bit daunting but one veteran game show contestant assured as that our not having been on any other shows was an advantage. He also said that the way we met – over the internet – would also stand us in good stead – not something that we’d previously considered if we’re honest. Maybe we should have made up a tale about meeting whilst working at NASA but we'd probably have been caught out at our lack of science-related knowledge.

We had to fill out a couple of forms before the audition started; one of which may well rule me out as it asked for medical history. Four hours later, and after sending out for more spare paper, I’d finally filled it in and it was time to start auditioning.

First we had 5 minutes to answer 20 questions on an A4 sheet. I thought this would be my forte given my love for exams but I don’t think I did very well. I misread one of the questions which was about Maths, surely one of my specialist subjects! I fully knew the answer but having misread it got it completely wrong. I also suffered from mixing up Billy Joel with Billy Ocean, much to L’s amusement. Anyhow I think I probably got between 14 and 16 right so not a disaster but not great.

Then came the game of Pointless, albeit in a much lower budget version than on the TV - no flashy studio lights here, and a white flipchart board replacing the electronic Pointless meter. Our “oohs” replaced the fancy sound effects as a researcher moved a cardboard arrow down the scale until it reached the right number. All this game was being filmed but as we couldn’t see ourselves on a screen anywhere I didn’t feel too self-conscious. We were encouraged to smile if we did well, look disappointed if we didn’t etc etc. The first round was coming up with football teams with something in common (better not say more than that as they may use the same questions in each audition!). I was third to go, and got the first Pointless answer. I did an over the top celebration, probably looking like a loon but in my defence I was only following orders!

In the second round we didn’t do as well, getting an incorrect answer on films of all things. The third round was naming the original stars of a TV show – we felt confident in that round as we had quite a few that we thought wouldn’t be too popular. Unfortunately the first team said our top answer, so I picked to go for one of the others, only to find this was a very popular answer indeed with 57 out of 100 people coming up with it. If we'd picked one of the others we'd thought of, we could have got as low as 3 or 4.

After all 3 rounds we’d actually come last so were in disgrace. However your chances of getting through the audition do not depend on how well you do in the game – it’s more to do with how well you come across in front of camera. The researchers send the tapes to the producers in London who pick a further shortlist for filming in January. The audition wasn’t quite over yet though – we sat in the lounge but were then called back in for a five minute interview, again in front of the camera, where we were asked general questions about us – I said I was “between jobs” rather than unemployed as I thought it sounded better – L suggested I say I was a writer and I suppose I do write, but I think you really have to have something published before you refer to yourself as that. We were also asked how we met which again the chap seemed impressed with – I guess they like to have an angle for each pair of contestants. There was much laughing when L brought up my penchant for keeping lists of films I’d seen etc – apparently the researchers seemed to find this funny and odd – can’t think why!

Anyway the whole process had taken about 2 hours and we left the hotel not sure how it had gone. We weren’t as boisterous as some of the other contestants and we both agreed on a couple who will definitely get on the show – a mother and daughter team who had great chemistry and will be perfect for the show. However we’d got down from what we were told were thousands of applicants to the 200 that had been auditioned. They need 75 for filming so you never know. If we don’t hear from them in the next fortnight we’ll know we haven’t been successful but it was still a good experience and a sneak peek into a world we knew nothing about. No doubt we’ll see some of the couples we met in Sheffield on the next series, so that will be our tenuous claim to fame. Next stop, Hollywood.

It's been a month now and not heard anything so assume we didn't make the cut. Not to worry - think it may half have been the health disclosure form for the insurance company that scuppered us. Well, that and the fact we weren't entertaining enough. Updated - 21 Dec 2009